It was almost 4 p.m., and the boys started to gather their backpacks to head to a class known as Porn Literacy. He assumed that girls like it, because the women in porn do. When I asked what he meant, he said anal sex. “I would just do it,” said another boy, in jeans and a sweatshirt. Out of nowhere was he supposed to say: Can I pull your hair? Or could he try something and see how a girl responded? He knew that there were certain things - “big things, like sex toys or anal” - that he would not try without asking. “If this girl wants it, then maybe the majority of girls want it.” He’d heard about the importance of consent in sex, but it felt pretty abstract, and it didn’t seem as if it would always be realistic in the heat of the moment. “But I think some of the girls are afraid.” “I think social media makes girls think they want something,” he said, noting he hadn’t seen porn more than a handful of times and disliked it. A couple of seats away, a sophomore who had been quiet until then added that maybe the girls didn’t know either. But was it true desire? Was it posturing? Was it what girls thought they were supposed to want? Neither Q. Leaning back in his chair, Drew said some girls acted as if they wanted some thug rather than a smart, sensitive guy. “The guys are built and dominant and have a big penis, and they last a long time.” And if you don’t do it like the guys in porn, Drew added, “you fear she’s not going to like you.” “You are looking at an adult,” he told me. Watching porn also heightened Q.’s performance anxiety. Like the GIF he saw of a man pushing a woman against a wall with a girl commenting: “I want a guy like this.” And the one Drew mentioned of the “pain room” in “Fifty Shades of Grey” with a caption by a girl: “This is awesome!” But as he told me over several conversations, it wasn’t just porn but rough images on Snapchat, Facebook and other social media that confused him. So he wasn’t exactly in a good position to ask girls directly what they liked. hadn’t had sex - he liked older, out-of-reach girls, and the last time he had a girlfriend was in sixth grade, and they just fooled around a bit. He was 15, a good student and a baseball fan, too, and pretty perplexed about how porn translated into real life. Next to Drew was Q., who asked me to identify him by the first initial of his nickname. Were their breasts, he wondered, like the ones in porn? Would girls look at him the way women do in porn when they had sex? Would they give him blow jobs and do the other stuff he saw?ĭrew, who asked me to use one of his nicknames, was a junior when I first met him in late 2016, and he told me some of this one Thursday afternoon, as we sat in a small conference room with several other high school boys, eating chips and drinking soda and waiting for an after-school program to begin. One particular porn scene stuck with him: A woman was bored by a man who approached sex gently but became ecstatic with a far more aggressive guy.īut around 10th grade, it began bothering Drew, an honor-roll student who loves baseball and writing rap lyrics and still confides in his mom, that porn influenced how he thought about girls at school. Girls moan a lot and are turned on by pretty much everything a confident guy does. From porn, he learned that guys need to be buff and dominant in bed, doing things like flipping girls over on their stomach during sex. The videos were good for getting off, he said, but also sources for ideas for future sex positions with future girlfriends. Then in ninth grade, he found online porn sites on his phone.
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All rights reserved.Drew was 8 years old when he was flipping through TV channels at home and landed on “Girls Gone Wild.” A few years later, he came across HBO’s late-night soft-core pornography. Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and Safety Information / Your California Privacy Rights are applicable to you. ^ Back to Top ^ © 2022 ESPN Internet Ventures.
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